How to talk to children about tragic events.

If you are like me, the news of the school shooting in Tennessee might have hit hard. Feelings of sadness, fear, and rage may have set in. If you are a parent, sending your kiddos to school after might have been scary. If so, you are not alone. These acts of violence may frighten children and they may feel like they or a loved one are at risk. This sense of fear might lead to an increase in anxiety, school refusal, or other new behavioral patterns. Children will look up to their parents for answers, comfort, and support. For parents, this can feel daunting; here is no easy way to discuss these tragedies with our little ones.

Here are 4 tips on how to discuss tragic events with kids.

1. Parents, this one's for you. Make sure that you have processed and debriefed with a trusted friend, spouse, or coworker. It is important that you are emotionally regulated before answering questions or talking to your children about the tragic news. This is the time to have some self care.

2. Be proactive. Ask them a simple question such as "have you heard about this?" Let your child lead with their response. A lot of kids are going to hear about the news on the bus or from siblings or from friends at school. You want to be the one to deliver this information to them, not other kids who might not have all the information.

3. Avoid additional and unnecessary details. For elementary children, avoid graphic images. Let them know that you are a safe person to talk to if they have questions.

4. Be empathetic. Each child will have different reactions and feelings. Sit with their feelings and try to make reflective statements to show that you understand. For example, "you are really scared that might happen at your school" or "you are feeling sad." Sometimes, we want to rescue children from their distressing feelings and might make statements such as "it won't happen to you" or "don't worry." With good intentions in mind, these typically are not helpful and do not help children to feel less sad or scared.

It is okay that the discussion might upset them. As a parent, being able to listen to your children’s frightening feelings demonstrates your strength and commitment to them. When there are scary things going on in the larger world around them, having a safe parent to process the news with helps them to cope with life's challenges.