Give your children their greatest need: intentional connection

Like most parents, finding the time and energy to have quality connections with your children can be difficult! With everything going on, most parents find that they need more time throughout their week. I know we all wish we could have a magic time machine to give us more than 24 hours. Even though that machine doesn’t exist to give us more time, luckily there are other ways that we can create more meaning with our time. What I want to share with you is how intentional, predictable, and attuned quality connection with your children can affect their emotional health and development.

Some of you might be thinking that you spend more than enough time with your children, but I want to challenge you to think about this "time" you spend with them. Is it scheduled? Uninterrupted? Planned? Attuned? Focused? Are there electronics around? It is easy to assume that "time" and "intentional time" are the same thing and therefore have similar impacts, but they are not built the same! How you spend your time with your children matters!

Or some of you might be thinking, "I don't have time." I understand how it can feel almost impossible to try and squeeze something new into your already busy schedule. We all have the same amount of time throughout our short 24-hour day, so I encourage you to look for inefficiencies or opportunities to condense or rearrange your schedule. I believe that it can be possible to find just 10 extra minutes to spare.

Don't worry!! The intentional connection I am talking about does not have to be in large amounts! As little as 10 minutes makes a difference. Quality time matters more than quantity. If you have more than one child, try having separate intentional connections. You want each of your children to feel connected with you.

Even better, these small moments of connection can fit easily into your already built routines.

Through intentional, predictable, and attuned quality connection, you are giving your child their greatest needs: their desire for connection, acceptance, and a sense of security. Also, the connection builds the brain! Through connection, your child's brain improves its capacity for relationships, self-control, and personal insight.

Are you sold yet?? Let's break it down to what intentional, predictable, and attuned quality connection looks like.

Intentional- it’s scheduled. It’s just as (or even more) important than that business meeting on your calendar. You won't be late and you will come prepared. You are showing your child that they matter. They are important. They count!

Predictable- children thrive with routine and schedules. Your child will know when and where they will have this quality time with you. If this is a calendar on your fridge, or a specific time of the day, whatever it is, your child knows that you will be there and that time is set aside for them.

Attunement- you are emotionally connected with your child. As your child talks, you listen! You are making eye contact as they share with you their world. You are showing your child that their story is important and meaningful, that you want to know who they are! There are no distractions; it’s just you and your child.

If it spending 45 minutes every Monday at the playground when you pick your children up from school, or five minutes after each meal, or ten minutes after you get home from work, what matters is that these moments of connection are intentional, predictable, and attuned.

How do you plan to give your children their greatest need?